Im a jerk..

20 03 2008

So yeah.. date girl student stayed over my place all night last night. And I didn’t sleep at all. Before the optimists out there want to throw me the “you da mans!” All we did was kiss. Then again, a gentleman never feels someone up and tells. But this is one of those events I should be happy about, but I am not. Seconds after the first poorly coordinated, trans-contintental kiss happened, I was instantly thinking I shouldn’t be doing this. She wants a bf, and I don’t want to be that. So that is why I am a jerk.

The next day I recieved an email from her saying how she was a “(悪い女) warui onna” or bad woman, for doing that without me being her boyfriend. To compound my assholeness, I was actually happy because then I I knew she didn’t think we were going out. We will stay being friends, as I should see her tonight at least.

I just can never stop and enjoy anything. I can enjoy the fact that I am in Japan, but I want so much more. It’s been like that my whole life.

 I wonder if it will ever change.

Music of the Day.. I’ve posted it before but who cares. Perfect for this post.. Nocturnal Rites-“Me”

Beleive me I know.. this was totally…crying

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